This picture was taken about 2 months ago, at my heaviest weight. I’m promoting a show that I performed in recently.
Approximately a year before I left work, I joined and amateur dramatics and light operatics company as I love singing, acting and dancing. I was a chorus member in the Wizard of Oz and I loved it. I’ve made some amazing friends and I class the whole company as my second family. Whilst rehearsing for Little Shop of Horrors, I started feeling unwell and it was about 2 weeks before the show when I worked my last day as a midwife. Luckily I did not have a principal role and they were incredibly understanding about my missing rehearsals, I even had a sofa in my dressing room so I could lie down if needed!
As I have adapted to my illnesses over the past 2 years, I have learnt that its ok to miss certain rehearsals if I’m not well enough and to sleep for most of the day time during show week. This makes it so that I am reliable for the performances and have landed a few leading roles. I have also joined the committee for the company as Marketing manager. This is not a pressing commitment as I can manage my own time and get help if I’m not well enough to achieve certain goals.
I think I was at my lowest ebb just after my diagnosis. I was so upset about the possible idea that I couldn’t work as a midwife again; about not being able to walk far without crutches or worse, a mobility scooter; about not being able to even prep veg or cook in my own kitchen as I couldn’t stand for more than 30 seconds before my legs would become too weak to hold me up; about not being able to do my own housework; about not being able to drive without someone being in the car with me due to my anxiety and memory. I felt trapped in my own home, listening to others leading their lives and looking at what needed to be done in my home, knowing I was not able to have enough energy to complete the task. I felt pointless, I was a waste of air and thought about death a lot.
I have an amazing family and some truly wonderful friends; my husband would take the kids to school, call me from work to make sure I remembered to eat and take my meds, then cook in the evenings as well. My mother would come over and clean the house for me; the kids started walking the dog, although it didn’t last long (kids being kids got bored of my being ill very quickly). My friends at the am dram company would make me laugh and laugh at my jokes and accepted me so quickly for who I am, it is truly humbling to have friends like that. They age from late teens to past retirement, although there are a few who I am really tight with. My best friend would text regularly to make sure I was ok and she would pop in after work occasionally too.
It was because of these people that I decided, a year or so later, that I was not going to let a few stupid illnesses stop me from living. I had already been researching my conditions and ways to reduce symptoms. I found strong connections between good nutrition and holistic therapies being the most beneficial and decided I would write a blog about it to try to help others who may be feeling as bad as I had.
I started my blog 10 months ago, however, due to being new to blogging and still battling to find normality out of chaos, I’ve only posted a couple of blogs until now.
It is only now that I feel ok with not being a midwife, the possibility of never working again and I am able to look forward to events and achievements I want to reach. I have learnt to crochet and I love making amigurumi, brooches and jewellery. I sing regularly and have started a choir with a friend. I also feel ready to really focus on trying to lose weight, which I hope will alleviate some of my symptoms as well as improve my mental health and I now feel ready to blog about my progress more regularly.
I really want to keep my f words and blog about the f words that I have struggled with, however, my current passions are; nutrition, I truly believe that the food that we eat leads to modern illnesses and that we can avoid these and heal from them by eating the right food; and singing or, hobbies to find happiness and contentment with life. Therefore, initially, I want to focus on these issues thoroughly and I really hope you find it helpful or at least interesting.