What do I miss?

Being housebound, due to my illnesses, has had me thinking regularly about what I miss and, due to my age and life experience to date, I’ve found that I miss a lot of things.

For instance, I miss living in the North East of England, even though I left when I was 11, but part of my family are still there and I love going to visit and grieve when I leave.  I miss being healthy, young, I miss being a midwife, I also miss being a nanny in London and my wonderful time in New Zealand.  I often think about these things.

just lately, life has become a bit more testing to say the least and I am reacting (in my opinion) very badly to it, both physically and emotionally.  It came to a point yesterday when I was so convinced that everyone has a secret agenda and all are out to get me, that I lost my temper (happening a lot more frequently lately) and started snapping at anyone and everyone.

sittting down today and contemplating what happened has led me to realise that what I miss the most is my innocence.  The part of me growing up when I always saw the good in people and everyone was a friend and I’d do anything for anyone.  Naive, yes, looking at life through rose tinted glasses, absolutely and until I saw life through a parents eyes, that’s who I was, and it’s that person I miss the most. I did get hurt by people and used, so there is a part of me that is glad that I’ve changed for that reason.  But, on the whole, I’d probably still want to be that person again!!


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